First, I gained 1.2 lbs this week. *Sigh* It really stinks but I can't change it...so...I am accepting it and moving on. Two factors worked against me this week: 1) I didn't do very well with my eating plan. I had way too many "treats" and way too many carbs, 2) I worked out more than I have been. One is a good thing and one is not so good. But, like I said, I am moving on. I can't change the past. I can just do better this week.
***Warning: This is me being real! If you can't handle it, stop reading now.***
I am a recovering perfectionist and control freak. Most days I do pretty well. Other days I revert back to my old ways. Last night at church, our leader talked about leaving old behaviors, hurts, "baggage", and anything else that God asked us to leave behind. If God asked us to do something, that we should do it on trust and faith in him alone. We should not ask why but we should just do it because God is our leader and we are his followers. We should follow on blind faith. That his plan is better than ours and he knows what he is doing. Well, if you know any perfectionists and/or control freaks, that's not easy! Our leader asked us to take some time and meditate. At this time, she prayed and asked us to ask God what he wants us to leave. Because I still "slip" up at times, I took control and started asking God..."Do you want me to leave this? Oh, or is it that? No, it's probably this" (you get the picture). Then a soft voice says to "Shut up". Oops, sorry God! So I sit there quietly, trying oh so hard to sit quietly, and listen for Him. Finally, he says "Get out of my way". Huh?
My hubby and I have been out of sync lately. His business is slow right now. I think he should be doing X,Y,Z. When he doesn't, I am let down. A couple of weeks ago, we had strong "discussion". I realized that I have certain expectations of "what a man should be and do". He finally said to "Write it out for me. Let me know what your expectations are." What I also hear, not sure what words were used, was that he may not agree or be able to meet my expectations but he wants to see what they are.
Now, with all of that being said, I realized that I was trying to be God. I wanted him to be my version of man. So, God was kindly asking me to "Get out of His way" because He had work to do and I was messing it up. So, as hard as it will be for me, I am going on blind faith. I am going to trust that God can do what I can not. I'm scared...because I can't control it. I am scared...because I don't know what is on the other side or how it will "look". But...I am going to trust because he really does know better than me.
If you are still reading, please leave a comment below.
well I'm not one to nosey around in these blogs... but since you posted it, I clicked it. :) First of all.. MUSCLE is not light . I had to pay alot lot of money to finally LEARN that. HA! Throw the scale out with the trash and go by how your clothes fit, how your skin looks, and how you feel... that is my 1st advice. (not that you asked for it) I would just hate to see anyone doing something SO positive with their health as you are doing, and as I once did, give up or think it's unachievable because of what a scale 'says'. My scale has actually made me cry before in the past and sometimes I think if Mr.Scale wasn't involved, I would have never once had ANY negative thoughts about my progress, or maybe I would have seen gaining a pound as a WONDERFUL thing, cus in reality when you're turning fat into muscle that IS a wonderful thing.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I've been married a very long time too. Actually I have only NOT been married for 2 years since I was barely 19 years old. (HA) There was a time in my marriage that things just weren't 'everything' I thought marriage would/should be. I can put your "perfectionist" term in this spot, cus I was one of those wives that had to have carpet lines in the carpet from the vacuum, even if it meant doing it 10 times A DAY cus footprints messed them up. I remember early in my marriage being confined to a wheelchair for 3 months due to a reconstructed ankle, and expecting my husband to keep those lines in the carpet. (HA) I'm not saying I had 'problems', but I wasted alot of years just simply not putting forth an effort to make things any different, however I always had the energy and effort to complain. Sitting home bored one evening, while my husband was at work, I stumbled upon a silly movie called Fireproof, (well to me it was silly, cus it's more of a play, not what I would really consider a movie, or not my IDEA of a movie, but I was bored to death and it was on.. and I watched it) but for some reason when it was over, I couldn't stop thinking about it... it STUCK with me. I bought the book Love Dare and I have been living that way for years. It will completely change your marriage IF you want it to. There isn't a single day that I wake up... that there isn't this little 'birdie' voice perching on my shoulder reminding me of how blessed I am to be married, and in my situation, that he PUTS up with me. All I can say... advice wise, is... just watch it if you've never seen it. Buy the book. I think you're an awesome person and thanks for letting me stick my nose somewhere normally I wouldn't. hahaha! (even tho you didn't ask for it)
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ReplyDeleteTicha,
ReplyDeleteFirst, thank you so much for joining my blog. By having a blog in the first place AND posting it on FB, I am INVITING people into my life. So don't think that you are nosing around in my life without being invited. I am normally a VERY private person. This year I have decided to be more open, share with others experiences that I am having or have had, and trying to create more intimate relationships with others. So far, my life and attitude are changing due to that.
Second, I am working toward not letting the scale control my self-image. I quit smoking over 6 months ago, am eating better, and moving my body SO much more. So, for that, I am very proud. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement on that.
Lastly, yes, I have seen that movie...like a gazillion times! I love it! It truly does change one's life. My hubby and I are doing pretty well. We are just at a place where we are a little "out of sync". After being married as long as you have, you know what I am talking about. Thankfully, God has been working hard on both of our hearts the past couple of years. However, as stubborn as I am, he has to put challenges in front of me so I will let go of MY will and surrender to HIS will.
Thanks again for the wonderful comment. PLEASE visit my blog often. I am trying to post more often.