That's so gay!

I have this friend. He is gay.

I have had people ask "How do you justify being a Christian and having a gay friend?"

Well...this is the way that I see it. In order to answer this question, I will use the following as a barometer, 1) That being gay is a sin, 2)We shouldn't be friends with those that sin. Neither of these is for me to judge but the question asked seemed to imply that belief.

I am not here to debate whether being gay is right or wrong. I am only stating my belief...

1) I am a sinner! I sin daily. I wake up every morning and pray that I do not sin THAT day. I go to bed every night and ask God to forgive me for the multitude of sins that I committed THAT day. Why should he be my friend? I can't go one day without sinning!

2) Jesus' buddies were sinners...some of the worst kinds! He hung out with the tax collectors and prostitutes. Here's the thing...according to the Bible, a sin is a sin! So how do we justify that our sins are any less condemning than any one else's sin?

3) I truly believe that Jesus wants us to just love one another! I believe there are more verses in the Bible teaching us how to love one another with all our hearts and souls than verses that teach us how to judge. One of my favorite verses about loving one another is Ephesians 4:2:

"With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love"

For me, this verse shows compassion. "With all humility and gentleness" I believe that we cannot show humility and gentleness while, at the same time, judging one another! Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone followed this one verse? Imagine how much love would be in the world at any given moment.

Mother Teresa said "If you judge people, you have no time to love them". Isn't that the truth?!

4) Love really is the answer. This friend of mine...he truly knows how to love others. He cares for his 85 yr. old father and 80 yr. old aunt, and the family lives together. He works a full-time job but still manages to get them to doctor appointments, take them to the seniors center so they can have interaction with others, cares for the house and all the chores that go along with that, and makes sure that there is food on the table for them. He LOVES them...and shows his love through his actions. He amazes me the way that he loves on everyone that he comes into contact with. He knows no stranger and is not afraid or embarrassed to show his love. He knows how to put a smile on a stranger's face. He knows how to let you know that you have value in his life and remembers to tell you that he loves you often. In so many ways, HE has taught ME how to love others!

So, the answer to the question...how do I justify being his friend and being a Christian? I don't need to justify it. I just need to love him and others. I need not spend energy trying to judge and condemn others for their sins. It is not for me to judge. Any sins that he may have are between him and God...just the same as my sins are between me and God.

All any of us can do is love one another...and love one another well! Our lives and actions should be a testament to our love to God and our thankfulness that our sins are forgiven by Him...because He sent His son to die for each one of us...and NONE OF US DESERVE IT!

Carry on, people! And love like there is no tomorrow!!!

Bienvenido a España

I cannot believe it! Months of training and planning...and we are finally here! Only 7 days to go until our first Marathon!!! It seemed like such a wonderfully exciting thing when we first decided to do this and all the months leading up til now...

We left TN at 2:00 on Friday and landed in Madrid at 9:00 their time. The moment that we landed it all became VERY real...and very real scary...but scary in a good way. The most miles that we have run are 20...but everyone is telling us that is fine. I have been saying all along that I just want to finish. As much as that is VERY true, I would really like to finish in 5 hours. The time limit is 6 hours. Please, Lord, don't let me get pulled! I would be very sad if that happened.

Enough about that...

What a lively city! People were everywhere today! We went down to the "square" and walked around after taking a little siesta. There were tons of street performers that were a lot of fun to watch. Here's a few of my favorites:

I would post more pics but the computer is taking too long.

Ok, so tonight the girls and I could not sleep. Mo was sound asleep snoring like a screaming banshee. Finally, we could take it no more so we threw on our sweatshirts, put on some flip flops, loaded up our laptops and books, and heading down to the lobby. As we were sitting there for awhile, we got hungry. We left our belongings with the guy at the front desk and heading out in search of food...in our pajamas...in Madrid. Now, APPARENTLY, Madrid is all cosmopolitan and such...and wearing pajamas in public, even at 3:00 in the morning is quite the faux pas! Oops...my bad!

Anywho...we find a pizza place. We know no Spanish so ordering is very difficult. (Mo usually does all of our translating for us but he is up in the room doing his best Sleeping Beauty impersonation...and has no idea that his girls are roaming the streets of Madrid with all of the drunks...otherwise, I am sure that he would have been on it!) As I am ordering our pizza in my best Spanish...you know..."Dos Queso Pizza, Por Favor"! My version of "We would like 2 slices of cheese pizza". However, the guy behind the counter obviously does not know Spanish very well because he had no idea what I was saying. Finally, a guy standing in line felt sorry for us and helped us order. We ended up with 2 slices of cheese pizza and one slice of tuna pizza. Yeah, I had no idea that was the meat on it when I pointed to it...whatever!

Then I go to pay with the only form of payment that I have on me, my credit card. They only take cash (aka euros)...go figure! So I tell the girls "Put all of it back. We can't pay for it". All the guys that work there say "No, it is fine. Take it". Huh? Oh...I see...so I say "Yeah, we aren't homeless." Remember, we are in sweatshirts, pajama pants, and flip flop in the fancy cosmopolitan city of Madrid. I'm pretty sure that we looked homeless. Actually, we had a guy laugh at us on our way back to our hotel and say "Hahaha...pajamas!!!" I would be embarrassed if I had any sort of pride left in me at this point.

As we are walking back, we see Mo. He's a little upset with us. Apparently, he awoke from his coma (Praise the Lord, he lives!) and couldn't find us anywhere. The snitch at the front desk gave away our location.

Regardless, it was a fun little adventure for the girls and I. Great memory and lots of laughs...I hope to have tons more of those this week! Night, night all!

Busyness

We are praised for being busy...for multitasking...for being productive. I recently had a conversation with someone that praised their grown child for "being so busy that he couldn't even think". WOW...is that even healthy?

My hubby and I were watching a show last week about how Americans are actually addicted to being busy! We are addicted to the adrenaline produced in our body when we are stressed. The reporter stated that, when we slow down and the amount of adrenaline is reduced, our body starts going into withdrawals. Then our minds take over and find something to keep us busy or stressed so that our body will produce more adrenaline! Sad, isn't it? Yet, society encourages this behavior. Often, many look down on others for not being "so busy that you can't think"...for not "being productive", as if this is some sort of character defect or laziness.

A few years ago, I was so busy that I "couldn't even think"! It was a disaster...or maybe I should say that I was a disaster. I am a recovering perfectionist and workaholic! I didn't take the time to nurture the relationships that were important...the ones that would fill me more than any job or volunteer work could. To the outside world, I was "amazing"! People were "so proud of me"! And I thrived off the attention from that. Those compliments, awards, and accolades were my drug! Just like any drug, I was being filled with a false sense of importance...most importantly, with a false sense of identity!

Then one day, I sat still long enough to hear God speak to me. I felt Him gently tell me that I had my priorities all wrong...that I needed to just BE STILL! So I did...and it was uncomfortable! I was uncomfortable! As the to-do list rang through my head, this still, small voice kept comforting me...telling me to relax...that my world would not fall apart in these few moments. Stop, breathe, relax, listen...so I did...and I had peace!

I don't know a lot of things about life but I do know this...for me, slowing down has been the simple most important thing that I have done lately! I am able to focus on the people that I do life with. By nurturing those relationships, my soul is nourished, my heart is full, and my faith is strong. God has spoken to me, guided me, and filled me in a way that no amount of praise or stress ever could. My identity is in Him now. Through Him, I feel secure. My family feels secure. They feel loved. They feel important. Isn't that what we all want...to be secure in the fact that we are loved and important to others?

I recently read this quote...

"You cannot be your best for those you love when you are constantly pushing yourself to the limits, filling every waking hour with activity- even good, productive activity"

Children grow up and we grow old. It's what we do during those years that define what is important in life. The words that fill my soul more than any award or praise are "I love you! Thanks for being present!"

That small still whisper...

I used to hear people talk about God speaking to them. Since this had never happened to me, I couldn't understand it. When I thought about what this "looked/sounded" like, I expected it to be very clear. I expected His voice to sound like James Earl Jones because that just makes sense. He's got that strong voice that sounds like it means business. So, I would pray and wait to hear JEJ's voice....NOTHING! Not even JEJ whispering!

When my husband and I were separated three years ago, I distinctly heard His voice. It didn't sound ANYTHING like James Earl Jones. In fact, if I hadn't been listening, I would have missed it. It truly was a small still whisper. I KNEW that it was Him speaking because I knew that I would never had that thought on my own.

Since then, I have heard God's small still whisper numerous times. I don't think that I am anymore special than anyone else and I don't think that I am any better than the previous "me"...I just think that I am listening for the right voice this time.

A couple of years ago, He kept telling me that I needed to trust Him more. In order to do that, He ask specific things of me...things that did not fit into MY plan. Each time, I would go to Mo and tell him what God was asking of me. Each time, he would say "Ok, well, that really doesn't sound like something that He would ask of you...of us. Are you sure that's what you are hearing because it doesn't make sense?" So, I would go back to God and say "Are you sure because see...I like THINGS! I like STUFF! This thing that you are asking would greatly reduce my ability to have these things."

After I made a great big heaping mess of things, we decided to listen...we decided to be OBEDIENT to His command. What I realized is MY way is not best! Did I just admit that I was WRONG? Yes, I did...I was very wrong! When I use the power of ME, the outcome is never good. His plan, although it may not make sense to me, is always better for me.

Now Mo has come to me saying that God is speaking to Him...asking something even more difficult from Him...from us. My first response is to say "Are you sure that's what you are hearing because it doesn't make sense"? But we have tried that before...and it didn't work out so well.

We are both praying for direction right now. We are both listening for His small still whisper. We are waiting patiently...and being still...for His answer and His guidance. We are praying that He opens the doors needed to bring this command to fruition. Can you pray with us and for us? I know this is very vague but we are trying to understand what He is asking.

All we know is it's gonna be a game changer!

Be careful what you wish for...

About a year ago, I asked God to show me my "ugly". I asked Him to point out the sin in my heart...and help heal me. Be careful what you wish for!

It is so easy to sit back and point out the flaws and imperfections of others. What is difficult is to ask Him to show me my flaws and my imperfections...the sins of my heart. Isn't He the only one that has a right to judge? Isn't He the one that we all ultimately want to please?

During this time, I have also been praying for a specific thing. This thing is something that I want as desperately as the breath that I breathe. I have been VERY specific about this thing that I want, and have been praying for the specific details of it. When you pray, you are supposed to be very specific, right? He will either give you what you pray for or He will change your heart about it. So, I guess that I SHOULD also pray that He changes my heart if it is not His will. However, I want this thing so badly that I keep praying that He wants it for me too! :O)

This has been challenging. It has been difficult to admit to these ugly parts of me. Thankfully God is gentle and loving. He has shown the unforgiveness that festers in my heart, the pride that keeps others from being able to enter, and the insecurities that keep me from reaching out to others. This is such a toxic combination.

After seeing this, I asked Him to heal it...to heal ME! I asked Him to show me how to heal these things and what the opposite of these things looks like. Growing up, I wasn't given a good example of what that looks like. I was taught unforgiveness, resentment, and pride. I was taught other things that were good also, just not these particular things that I need to be healed.

So, gently, God is showing me these things...and slowly, I am learning. Like a toddler learning to walk, I often fall. I will continue to get back up and try again until these lessons take root in my soul. God had given me wonderful people that speak truth to me and show me where I can find the answers in His word. He has provided opportunities and experiences that show me love and forgiveness and humility.

Like Hosea 2:6-7 states, He has surrounded me with thorn bushes right now to protect me from myself so that I will seek Him with all my heart. In Hosea 2:14, it states He will lead me and speak tenderly to me.

He has spoken very tenderly to me. He told me that I am not ready for this thing that I have asked for. He is not done healing me, molding me, and preparing me...

...So, I will wait patiently...

Mold away, you amazing potter...My soul craves it!!!

You deserve it!

The other day I heard a person stating how blessed they feel in their life right now. Their friend responded with "I am so happy for you because You deserve it". Really? Do we deserve happiness?

Does the single mom that works hard every day to provide for her family and tries to bring her children up in a godly manner DESERVE for her car to break down? Does she DESERVE a new car?

Does the father that beats his wife and children DESERVE a promotion at work? Does he DESERVE to be severely injured in an accident? Do his wife and children DESERVE to be treated in that manner?

The answer to all of these questions is NO! None of us DESERVE good or bad things to happen in our life.

What if we got what we deserved? I'll be honest...I pray that God doesn't give me what I DESERVE! There have been many times in my life that I have been in blatant disobedience to God. If I had gotten what I deserved, I am pretty sure that I wouldn't be alive today.

Often what we do get is GRACE. The definition of grace is getting something that you do not deserve.

The bible says Galatians 6:7
"Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap."

I do believe that, if we put good out into the world, that we will get good in return...BUT...we don't DESERVE it, nor are we guaranteed it. All we can do is pray for grace!

What are your thoughts on this?

Running the race...

Sherry Arnold was a wife, mother, teacher, daughter, and friend to many. She went out for a run on January 7, 2012 and never came home. Two men have admitted to killing her but her body has not been recovered. Yesterday was a virtual run in her honor and memory. Her cousin asked everyone to print out a bib and just run/bike/skate/exercise. So, The Hubs and I went for a 12 mile run in memory of a runner that I will never meet.

While running, we stopped at a convenient market to get some water. One of the employees asked if we were in a race. I explained that we weren't in a race but we were running in memory of Sherry.

After I left the store, I realized that we were actually running a race. We are all running a race everyday. We are running because we can...because we are breathing...because we are physically capable...because we want to be more emotionally capable daily. We are running the race of life...of compassion...of kindness...of determination...and hopefully to make a change, in our lives and that of others.

During the 12 mile run, I thought about Sherry and her family. I prayed that her body would be recovered so the family could have closure. I prayed for strength for her husband and children. I prayed for the safety of all runners. I prayed that this tragedy would mean something. I was very proud to have a very minor part in this very large cause.

I am capable

Driving in my car the other day, I heard a song by Matthew West. The lyrics went like this:
"I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm suppose to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough

Hands of Mercy, won't You cover me?
Lord, right now, I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us"

It dawned on me that I don't always have to be strong. I will seek Him first, but He also wants me to lean on others...

I have always been independent...and strong...and, well, capable. There are many things that I can do for myself, such as changing a flat tire, replacing a light fixture, hanging my own crown molding...things that a girl isn't "suppose" to know how to do. I am so thankful that my dad taught me these things. I am so thankful that my parents taught me how to be capable.

Sometimes, though, this can be a self-defeating attitude. When we feel so capable, this becomes a impermeable wall for others, like a brick fortress to keep others out. An attitude that we "know everything" and "can do everything" causes others to feel that they have nothing to offer us. As much as God wants us to lean on Him, he also wants us to lean on one another.

In Proverbs 18:1, it states "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment."

When I think about "seeks his own desire", pride is the first word that comes to mind. Do we so often not ask for help out of pride? Why is it so wrong in today's society to say "I need help"? God made us to be interdependent. He obviously knew that we would need each other...or else Eve would have never come along. :O)

As I get older, it is easier for me to recognize and admit to my "weaknesses". A weakness does not mean a person is weak and incapable. On the contrary...it takes a lot of strength to admit these things. By doing so, I feel stronger...and supported...and loved.

One of the first songs that I learned as child stated "When I am weak, you are strong"...

...Isn't this what friendship and love are all about?

Something new...

I have been wanting to try Zumba for a couple of years. This weekend I had the opportunity to take a class that a friend of mine was teaching. I was actually pretty excited! I had an image of me getting my groove on like I used to do "back in the day"...you know, back before kids, back in the single days when we would go to a club and dance all night long.

I think that I forgot that back in the day...I had a couple of drinks PRIOR to getting my "groove" on. So, although I THOUGHT that I could dance, the reality might have been something totally different. My Zumba experience was probably a little more like the picture below:

I often say that if people could be inside my head during a long run, they would wonder why I run. Those voices are fightin' each other! I feel a little "Sybil-ish" and it gets a little scary!

That being said, I thought that I would take you on the journey of the thoughts in my head during my Zumba experience.

"Ok, let's get this thing started"
"Wait, I just got the last steps, now we are moving on to something else?"
"Ok, I got this...oh no...I don't"
"What? You have got to be kidding? Normal people can't move their hips like that"
"Oh my! Really? I've only been doing this for 5 minutes"
"Was that left then right?"
"I really think that I need a shot of Tequila right now. I realize it's only 7:00 in the morning but..."
"Yes, little old lady beside me, I understand that I am supposed to move like THAT. Keep your hips to yourself!"
"Ok, warming up...maybe I don't look too bad"
"Yeah, not so Footloose over here"
"What's the likelihood that the water cooler is filled with Tequila?"
"Hmmmm, it's 7:28 so that means, I only have to do this for 32 more minutes. I can do this"
"I wonder if anyone would notice if I left. My purse is right over there. If I ran really fast, I could get out of the door without anyone noticing. I would be like Speedy Gonzalez"
"How much time could I kill if I took a bathroom break?"
"I remember that move from the days of Action Aerobics"
"Finally, getting this a bit...only missing about every 4th step"
"Only 18 more minutes...I can do this"
"I got this...I'm sexy and I know...I workout"
"NO, I definitely DO NOT have this. I want to go home!"
"Yeah, I don't know anything about a party with 5 kinds of nachos! I just want to be put out of my misery" (For those that didn't know, that's a song)
"Slowly....gettttinnng this."
"Only 11 more minutes...I can probably do this"
"S, I know that we are friends but how in the world can you be so peppy and move like that...I have decided that I hate you!"
"Ok, hate seems a little harsh..."
"Oop...there it is...figured out that little booty shake move there"
"Now, I only have 8 minutes left...I can do this"
"Yay! This is the last song!"

So, yeah, I tried it...marked it off my bucket list...

Will I try it again? Hmmm, maybe...but not in public.

Sidenote: I love my friend, S, who taught the class. She truly is a fantastic Zumba instructor. She can really move, gets everyone pepped up, and is so encouraging to us coordinately-challenged people.

Transparency

Ephesians 4:25
'... let each other of you speak truth with his neighbor for we are members of one another.'

Transparency doesn't come easy for me. I am doing better today than I have before. I don't have anything to hide...except maybe myself. Transparency is exposing yourself...your weaknesses...your vulnerability...your failures. As a "recovering perfectionist", this is difficult and uncomfortable.

And I get it wrong...a lot! I feel like the woman in the window. You can see me but the window of transparency is broken. There are often times that I am trying to express a thought, a feeling, or a point...and I go about it all wrong. I am a toddler learning to walk. I get it wrong, and I fall down. I will continue to get back up and try it again. I will try not to apologize for being myself...for exposing myself...for exposing my thoughts. But I will try again...and again..because this is important to me.

Please bear with me as I muddle through this that is unknown...this that is uncomfortable...this that feels vulnerable and exposed.