Busyness

We are praised for being busy...for multitasking...for being productive. I recently had a conversation with someone that praised their grown child for "being so busy that he couldn't even think". WOW...is that even healthy?

My hubby and I were watching a show last week about how Americans are actually addicted to being busy! We are addicted to the adrenaline produced in our body when we are stressed. The reporter stated that, when we slow down and the amount of adrenaline is reduced, our body starts going into withdrawals. Then our minds take over and find something to keep us busy or stressed so that our body will produce more adrenaline! Sad, isn't it? Yet, society encourages this behavior. Often, many look down on others for not being "so busy that you can't think"...for not "being productive", as if this is some sort of character defect or laziness.

A few years ago, I was so busy that I "couldn't even think"! It was a disaster...or maybe I should say that I was a disaster. I am a recovering perfectionist and workaholic! I didn't take the time to nurture the relationships that were important...the ones that would fill me more than any job or volunteer work could. To the outside world, I was "amazing"! People were "so proud of me"! And I thrived off the attention from that. Those compliments, awards, and accolades were my drug! Just like any drug, I was being filled with a false sense of importance...most importantly, with a false sense of identity!

Then one day, I sat still long enough to hear God speak to me. I felt Him gently tell me that I had my priorities all wrong...that I needed to just BE STILL! So I did...and it was uncomfortable! I was uncomfortable! As the to-do list rang through my head, this still, small voice kept comforting me...telling me to relax...that my world would not fall apart in these few moments. Stop, breathe, relax, listen...so I did...and I had peace!

I don't know a lot of things about life but I do know this...for me, slowing down has been the simple most important thing that I have done lately! I am able to focus on the people that I do life with. By nurturing those relationships, my soul is nourished, my heart is full, and my faith is strong. God has spoken to me, guided me, and filled me in a way that no amount of praise or stress ever could. My identity is in Him now. Through Him, I feel secure. My family feels secure. They feel loved. They feel important. Isn't that what we all want...to be secure in the fact that we are loved and important to others?

I recently read this quote...

"You cannot be your best for those you love when you are constantly pushing yourself to the limits, filling every waking hour with activity- even good, productive activity"

Children grow up and we grow old. It's what we do during those years that define what is important in life. The words that fill my soul more than any award or praise are "I love you! Thanks for being present!"

Transparency

Ephesians 4:25
'... let each other of you speak truth with his neighbor for we are members of one another.'

Transparency doesn't come easy for me. I am doing better today than I have before. I don't have anything to hide...except maybe myself. Transparency is exposing yourself...your weaknesses...your vulnerability...your failures. As a "recovering perfectionist", this is difficult and uncomfortable.

And I get it wrong...a lot! I feel like the woman in the window. You can see me but the window of transparency is broken. There are often times that I am trying to express a thought, a feeling, or a point...and I go about it all wrong. I am a toddler learning to walk. I get it wrong, and I fall down. I will continue to get back up and try it again. I will try not to apologize for being myself...for exposing myself...for exposing my thoughts. But I will try again...and again..because this is important to me.

Please bear with me as I muddle through this that is unknown...this that is uncomfortable...this that feels vulnerable and exposed.

Difficult People

"We should love one another" 1 John 3:10

There are people in my life that are difficult to love. No matter how much I limit my time with them or am around them, I have a difficult time loving them. I dread seeing them. I dislike how just their presence creates tension in my world. I abhor how I allow them to make me feel.

I have tried praying...I have tried ignoring...I have tried kindness. What I have found is that I can't force it...I just don't like spending time with them.

In light of my last post and my 2012 mantra of "Living in Love", I need to figure this out. My heart is not speaking from love.

"For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything" 1 John 3:19

1 John discusses loving one another. This is a chapter that I will be reading...and rereading this year. I need it to pour into my soul. I need to feel it...to believe it.

"We love because He first loved us" 1 John 3:20

God loves me so much that He sent his only son to die for MY sins. He loves me so much that there is a place in His heart that only I can fill! ME?! How is that possible?

I can be difficult to love at times. I can be moody. I can be angry and hateful. Who isn't? But...He still loves me. He shows grace to ME!

Who am I to think that it is not my responsibility to extend the same grace to others...to these difficult to love people?

So I will continue to pray...pray for them...pray for me...continue to ask God to soften those hard places in my heart. I will continue to "act as if" these things are completed in me...until I no longer have to act...because...now...I love these people...and see them as children of God that are hurting. Then I will pray that God heals them and softens the hard places on their hearts.

Or maybe...I have it wrong...maybe I need to pray both things at the same time.

How do you deal with difficult people?

Day 24 of 30: Godparents

I am thankful for:

Godparents!

This is "Uncle" Rick and "Aunt" Peggy. These 2 people are absolutely amazing! We are so blessed to have such wonderful additions to our family. We are fortunate to be able to visit them every summer so that the kids get to know them better. Rick is the kids' godfather...and Peggy has been adopted as their godmother by association! They are so sweet and loving to our babies! Thank you, Uncle Rick and Aunt Peggy!

Day 22 of 30- Pedicure

I am thankful for:

Pedicures!

This is one of my absolute favorite ways to relax and pamper myself. I am a runner so my feet can get pretty gnarly looking pretty quickly. This is also one of my favorite ways to spend an afternoon with a friend...just chatting and relaxing while someone pampers us!

Day 4 of 30- THIS Man

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Ephesians 5:25
"Wives respect your husbands" Ephesians 5:33

Today I am thankful for:

My husband!

I am amazed at what a wonderful husband and father his is. His faith and trust in God is growing everyday. He is building a successful business. He also is so good at the little things...bringing me a cup of coffee every morning, keeping fresh flowers in the house for me, cooking my favorite meals (and he is an amazing cook!)...the list could go on! He may not be perfect...but he is perfect for me!!!

Day 3 of 30- Adventurous Family

Today I am thankful for:

my adventurous family!

Whether it is ziplining through the jungle of Costa Rica...

...or running a 5K, they really are a lot of fun! I love them so much!

Day 2 of 30- God Moments

"I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord" Jeremiah 24:7

I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people that hear God speak, experience His grace, and are willing to share these experiences with me. Today I am thankful for:

God Moments!
(This post has nothing to do with the lake but this picture just "felt" like God to me...peaceful and serene)

My husband has a hereditary eye disease called Retinoschisis. As he ages, his eyesight is deteriorating. Reading in the mornings is becoming more difficult for him...maybe because his mind/eye connection is not "awake" yet. That being said, he was feeling frustrated and sad this morning when he struggled to read something. Yesterday, he and I went for a 3 mile run. During this run, we met a blind gentlemen who was taking a morning walk. After we said "Good Morning" to him, his response was "Good Morning! It's nice to see you today"! Wowwwwww!!! Talk about perspective! My husband remembered that moment when he was struggling this morning. He felt that it was God speaking to him that things could be worse! This was his God moment that he shared with me!

I was then speaking with my best friend whose father is slowly dying. This friend is caring for her father and experiencing some wonderful moments with him right now. However, there is one subject that she needed to talk to him about and get affirmation and closure on. She has been hesitant to bring it up because it felt negative. Last night, they were sitting around talking about everything. He brought up a subject that opened the door for her to be able to state these feelings that she was having. They were able to talk about it in a gentle, kind, and loving way. He was so wonderful to affirm her and she now has closure on this matter. It was almost like God spoke to her father and said "She needs this conversation". That was her God moment that she shared with me!

Again, I feel so blessed to have these people in my life...to remind me to look for and experience God's love. There are times that we don't hear His voice...but His actions speak deeply to our hearts.

Why I Run...

I often get asked "Why do you run?". Good question...without one easy answer. So...I have decided to give 10 good reasons why I run...

#10- Because there ARE people chasing me...they are called the COMPETITION!

#9- Because I am (almost) 42 and I can!

#8- Because there are so many cute running outfits to buy!!!

#7- Because it doesn't matter whether I come in first, last, or in the middle...I HAVE CROSSED THE FINISH LINE!!!

#6- Because running makes me push myself farther than I thought that I could go!

#5- Because it gives me a reason to travel with my friends!

#4- Because it makes me a nicer person!

#3- Because I want to teach, by example, these 2 sweet girls that GIRLS CAN DO ANYTHING THEY WANT TO DO!

#2- Because I want to be around to celebrate many more wedding anniversaries with this guy!

#1- Because my Father has blessed me with the ability to run...I want to make Him proud!

Being REAL

First, I gained 1.2 lbs this week. *Sigh* It really stinks but I can't change it...so...I am accepting it and moving on. Two factors worked against me this week: 1) I didn't do very well with my eating plan. I had way too many "treats" and way too many carbs, 2) I worked out more than I have been. One is a good thing and one is not so good. But, like I said, I am moving on. I can't change the past. I can just do better this week.

***Warning: This is me being real! If you can't handle it, stop reading now.***

I am a recovering perfectionist and control freak. Most days I do pretty well. Other days I revert back to my old ways. Last night at church, our leader talked about leaving old behaviors, hurts, "baggage", and anything else that God asked us to leave behind. If God asked us to do something, that we should do it on trust and faith in him alone. We should not ask why but we should just do it because God is our leader and we are his followers. We should follow on blind faith. That his plan is better than ours and he knows what he is doing. Well, if you know any perfectionists and/or control freaks, that's not easy! Our leader asked us to take some time and meditate. At this time, she prayed and asked us to ask God what he wants us to leave. Because I still "slip" up at times, I took control and started asking God..."Do you want me to leave this? Oh, or is it that? No, it's probably this" (you get the picture). Then a soft voice says to "Shut up". Oops, sorry God! So I sit there quietly, trying oh so hard to sit quietly, and listen for Him. Finally, he says "Get out of my way". Huh?

My hubby and I have been out of sync lately. His business is slow right now. I think he should be doing X,Y,Z. When he doesn't, I am let down. A couple of weeks ago, we had strong "discussion". I realized that I have certain expectations of "what a man should be and do". He finally said to "Write it out for me. Let me know what your expectations are." What I also hear, not sure what words were used, was that he may not agree or be able to meet my expectations but he wants to see what they are.

Now, with all of that being said, I realized that I was trying to be God. I wanted him to be my version of man. So, God was kindly asking me to "Get out of His way" because He had work to do and I was messing it up. So, as hard as it will be for me, I am going on blind faith. I am going to trust that God can do what I can not. I'm scared...because I can't control it. I am scared...because I don't know what is on the other side or how it will "look". But...I am going to trust because he really does know better than me.

If you are still reading, please leave a comment below.

Perspective

Have you ever seen that picture where if you look at it one way it's a young woman but look at it a different way it's an old lady? To me, that's a good example of perspective. It's the old adage of the glass is half empty or half full. I think perspective is so important with the climate of our economy. It's very easy to allow the gloom and doom attitude to get you down...or running in fear!

Perspective is also important in relationships. Every person has his/her own beliefs that can contradict another person's beliefs. Does that make one person right and the other one wrong? Not necessarily. Often, arguments occur because each person's perspective is different. Once again, does that make one person right and the other one wrong? Maybe. It depends on the incident. Just because I BELIEVE I am right, doesn't mean that I am...and it doesn't mean I am wrong either. My hope is that, when faced with an adverse situation, that I can see another person's perspective. Basically, put myself in someone else's shoes. Hopefully, it will help me be more compassionate, understanding, and considerate to others.

The only thing that I ask is that you do the same for me.