Busyness

We are praised for being busy...for multitasking...for being productive. I recently had a conversation with someone that praised their grown child for "being so busy that he couldn't even think". WOW...is that even healthy?

My hubby and I were watching a show last week about how Americans are actually addicted to being busy! We are addicted to the adrenaline produced in our body when we are stressed. The reporter stated that, when we slow down and the amount of adrenaline is reduced, our body starts going into withdrawals. Then our minds take over and find something to keep us busy or stressed so that our body will produce more adrenaline! Sad, isn't it? Yet, society encourages this behavior. Often, many look down on others for not being "so busy that you can't think"...for not "being productive", as if this is some sort of character defect or laziness.

A few years ago, I was so busy that I "couldn't even think"! It was a disaster...or maybe I should say that I was a disaster. I am a recovering perfectionist and workaholic! I didn't take the time to nurture the relationships that were important...the ones that would fill me more than any job or volunteer work could. To the outside world, I was "amazing"! People were "so proud of me"! And I thrived off the attention from that. Those compliments, awards, and accolades were my drug! Just like any drug, I was being filled with a false sense of importance...most importantly, with a false sense of identity!

Then one day, I sat still long enough to hear God speak to me. I felt Him gently tell me that I had my priorities all wrong...that I needed to just BE STILL! So I did...and it was uncomfortable! I was uncomfortable! As the to-do list rang through my head, this still, small voice kept comforting me...telling me to relax...that my world would not fall apart in these few moments. Stop, breathe, relax, listen...so I did...and I had peace!

I don't know a lot of things about life but I do know this...for me, slowing down has been the simple most important thing that I have done lately! I am able to focus on the people that I do life with. By nurturing those relationships, my soul is nourished, my heart is full, and my faith is strong. God has spoken to me, guided me, and filled me in a way that no amount of praise or stress ever could. My identity is in Him now. Through Him, I feel secure. My family feels secure. They feel loved. They feel important. Isn't that what we all want...to be secure in the fact that we are loved and important to others?

I recently read this quote...

"You cannot be your best for those you love when you are constantly pushing yourself to the limits, filling every waking hour with activity- even good, productive activity"

Children grow up and we grow old. It's what we do during those years that define what is important in life. The words that fill my soul more than any award or praise are "I love you! Thanks for being present!"

Be careful what you wish for...

About a year ago, I asked God to show me my "ugly". I asked Him to point out the sin in my heart...and help heal me. Be careful what you wish for!

It is so easy to sit back and point out the flaws and imperfections of others. What is difficult is to ask Him to show me my flaws and my imperfections...the sins of my heart. Isn't He the only one that has a right to judge? Isn't He the one that we all ultimately want to please?

During this time, I have also been praying for a specific thing. This thing is something that I want as desperately as the breath that I breathe. I have been VERY specific about this thing that I want, and have been praying for the specific details of it. When you pray, you are supposed to be very specific, right? He will either give you what you pray for or He will change your heart about it. So, I guess that I SHOULD also pray that He changes my heart if it is not His will. However, I want this thing so badly that I keep praying that He wants it for me too! :O)

This has been challenging. It has been difficult to admit to these ugly parts of me. Thankfully God is gentle and loving. He has shown the unforgiveness that festers in my heart, the pride that keeps others from being able to enter, and the insecurities that keep me from reaching out to others. This is such a toxic combination.

After seeing this, I asked Him to heal it...to heal ME! I asked Him to show me how to heal these things and what the opposite of these things looks like. Growing up, I wasn't given a good example of what that looks like. I was taught unforgiveness, resentment, and pride. I was taught other things that were good also, just not these particular things that I need to be healed.

So, gently, God is showing me these things...and slowly, I am learning. Like a toddler learning to walk, I often fall. I will continue to get back up and try again until these lessons take root in my soul. God had given me wonderful people that speak truth to me and show me where I can find the answers in His word. He has provided opportunities and experiences that show me love and forgiveness and humility.

Like Hosea 2:6-7 states, He has surrounded me with thorn bushes right now to protect me from myself so that I will seek Him with all my heart. In Hosea 2:14, it states He will lead me and speak tenderly to me.

He has spoken very tenderly to me. He told me that I am not ready for this thing that I have asked for. He is not done healing me, molding me, and preparing me...

...So, I will wait patiently...

Mold away, you amazing potter...My soul craves it!!!

I am capable

Driving in my car the other day, I heard a song by Matthew West. The lyrics went like this:
"I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm suppose to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough

Hands of Mercy, won't You cover me?
Lord, right now, I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us"

It dawned on me that I don't always have to be strong. I will seek Him first, but He also wants me to lean on others...

I have always been independent...and strong...and, well, capable. There are many things that I can do for myself, such as changing a flat tire, replacing a light fixture, hanging my own crown molding...things that a girl isn't "suppose" to know how to do. I am so thankful that my dad taught me these things. I am so thankful that my parents taught me how to be capable.

Sometimes, though, this can be a self-defeating attitude. When we feel so capable, this becomes a impermeable wall for others, like a brick fortress to keep others out. An attitude that we "know everything" and "can do everything" causes others to feel that they have nothing to offer us. As much as God wants us to lean on Him, he also wants us to lean on one another.

In Proverbs 18:1, it states "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment."

When I think about "seeks his own desire", pride is the first word that comes to mind. Do we so often not ask for help out of pride? Why is it so wrong in today's society to say "I need help"? God made us to be interdependent. He obviously knew that we would need each other...or else Eve would have never come along. :O)

As I get older, it is easier for me to recognize and admit to my "weaknesses". A weakness does not mean a person is weak and incapable. On the contrary...it takes a lot of strength to admit these things. By doing so, I feel stronger...and supported...and loved.

One of the first songs that I learned as child stated "When I am weak, you are strong"...

...Isn't this what friendship and love are all about?

Go with me!

I am nervous about writing this particular post. I am so worried that I won't do it justice but I feel that it needs to be written. Please, Lord, give me the words.

Tomorrow will be 8 years since my father passed away. This is the story of the gift that he left us in his last hours on this Earth...

Hospice was called in. He was brought home from the hospital so that he could die his way...with dignity...in his own bed.

On January 10 around 12:30 a.m., it started. He woke all of us because he had a story to tell. A story that would take almost 4 hours. He would talk a little and sleep a little.

He asked if we heard the train. "Woooo...woooo...woooo!" He looked at my mom and said "Well, I guess that I had better get on". When the ride ended, he was at the bottom of the mountain. As he exited the train, he looked at all of us and said:

"This is the most beautiful place that I have ever seen. The flowers are every color of the rainbow. The sky is the bluest that you have ever seen. The smell is like nothing that I have ever smelled."

"There is a cherry tree. It's been blown down but it still smells so wonderful."

"Do you hear that? The angels are singing. The sound is like candy to my ears. I can't believe how magnificent this is."

My dad always had an amazing way of telling a story. Everyone wanted to hear every word. He took you to that time, that place, that feeling. This time was no different.

Our spouses were called in...knowing that his time was coming to an end. He started telling them of the beauty that he was experiencing. "Oh, and the women...they are gorgeous...hoochie, hoochie" Now, as much as I know that this is inappropriate, I felt the need to add it...because...well, if you knew my dad, then you understand. He could always appreciate a beautiful woman! We all got a good laugh from that.

When he got to the top of the mountain, he could see a huge feast at the bottom but wasn't quite sure how to get there. About that time, he said "Oh, Bubba is here . He is going to help me." Bubba was my cousin that died when he was about 17 years old.

As they walked, my dad talked about the people and things that he would see. All of the people were acquaintances that he had met throughout his life, but not family members. When he got to the bottom of the mountain, he talked about the long line. He said "Well, I guess I should get in line."

Another thing about my dad is he LOVED to cook. He LOVED food! He loved to cook for others. While he was standing in line, he kept telling us about all of the foods that were on the feast tables.

Then...he was there...at the "pearly gates". He stretched his arms out in front of him, looked at my mom and said "Oh, Patty...he's gorgeous. He's reaching his arms out for me". My mom told him that he needed to go. But he couldn't...

My dad loved life...he loved us...he loved God. He still had one more thing to do. He loved to talk to people about Jesus and how much He loves us. He would witness to anyone that would listen...and even those that wouldn't! This was his final witnessing moment...

He looked at each one of us individually and said "Go with me!" At the time, we thought he was scared because he didn't want to leave us. We told him that he had to go alone. He kept saying..."Go with me!" Each of us told him that we would come but at another time.

Finally, he started talking about loved ones that he saw. He saw his dad and mom. Then he got very emotional. He saw her...and she was whole...and she was healthy. "It's Joy. Mom has her." Joy was his 1st daughter that died when she was 3 days old. She had a birth defect. Doctors were unable to save her.

We all told him to go, we would be alright, and would see him again. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. It was the most emotional moment that I have ever had the privilege to experience.

With that, he closed his eyes and passed over.

Some people wonder if there is a heaven or a God. Because of this GIFT that my father gave me, I KNOW there is a heaven and a God because I got to experience it. When my dad was asking us to go with him, what he meant was "Make sure that you go with me. Make sure that you accept God as your savior".

He loved us so much that he wanted to be sure that he saw us again. I think that he loved us almost as much as God does. That's a whole lot of love.

I tell this story because I think it needs to be told...

and also to say...

"Go with me!"

Living in Love

"Let your gentleness be evident to all" Philippians 4:5

My mission statement for 2012 is "Living in Love". I want to be more loving. I recently read the following prayer: God please soften the hard places of my hearth.

There are definitely hard places that are in need of being softened in my heart.

"God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love and sound judgement"
2 Timothy 1:7

The bible states that we are not to be fearful. Today I read both the Philippians verse and the 2 Timothy one. This is confusing to me and speaks to my heart at the same time. Gentleness and not showing fear feel like an oxymoron to me. Gentleness can feel like vulnerability...vulnerability can feel like weakness...weakness can feel like fear. However, I love how God put this out there for me to see it. If I want to "Live in Love", it will take a fearless spirit to show my gentleness.

I asked God to take my life and use me for His will...to help me by emptying me of me & filling me with Him. Basically, help me, Lord, to let go of my control on my life. Help me by speaking to me and guiding me for Your plans for me.

Then I read Isaiah 48:17:
"I am the Lord your God
Who teaches you what is best for you
who directs you in the way you should go"

From today's devotional , I got the following: gentleness, fearlessness, and allow God to teach me. If I release my control and allow God to guide my life, He will show me how to be fearlessly gentle.

Wow...powerful stuff! How blessed am I to be loved by a God that speaks to my heart so that He can smooth over the rough spots?

Day 28 of 30: Love

I am thankful for:

Love!

This is one of my favorites! I LOVE love! I love all of the people that love me...and I love to give that love back!

Day 24 of 30: Godparents

I am thankful for:

Godparents!

This is "Uncle" Rick and "Aunt" Peggy. These 2 people are absolutely amazing! We are so blessed to have such wonderful additions to our family. We are fortunate to be able to visit them every summer so that the kids get to know them better. Rick is the kids' godfather...and Peggy has been adopted as their godmother by association! They are so sweet and loving to our babies! Thank you, Uncle Rick and Aunt Peggy!

Day 5 of 30- My daughters

Today I am thankful for:

My beautiful daughters!

These girls amaze me everyday...and make me want to be a better person. Both of them are excellent students, smart and hardworking. They are both talented in their own ways. They both love Jesus too! What more could a Mom ask for?

They also are insanely in love with animals...ALL animals! We volunteer at the local humane society (PAWS). I'm not sure that I ever see them work as hard as they do when we go there. They walk the dogs, clean out their cages, and bathe the dogs. We also get the cats and kittens out to "socialize" them. They would be happy if we spent hours there! Their sweet, loving hearts just warm my mommy heart!

Day 4 of 30- THIS Man

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Ephesians 5:25
"Wives respect your husbands" Ephesians 5:33

Today I am thankful for:

My husband!

I am amazed at what a wonderful husband and father his is. His faith and trust in God is growing everyday. He is building a successful business. He also is so good at the little things...bringing me a cup of coffee every morning, keeping fresh flowers in the house for me, cooking my favorite meals (and he is an amazing cook!)...the list could go on! He may not be perfect...but he is perfect for me!!!

Day 3 of 30- Adventurous Family

Today I am thankful for:

my adventurous family!

Whether it is ziplining through the jungle of Costa Rica...

...or running a 5K, they really are a lot of fun! I love them so much!

Day 2 of 30- God Moments

"I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord" Jeremiah 24:7

I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people that hear God speak, experience His grace, and are willing to share these experiences with me. Today I am thankful for:

God Moments!
(This post has nothing to do with the lake but this picture just "felt" like God to me...peaceful and serene)

My husband has a hereditary eye disease called Retinoschisis. As he ages, his eyesight is deteriorating. Reading in the mornings is becoming more difficult for him...maybe because his mind/eye connection is not "awake" yet. That being said, he was feeling frustrated and sad this morning when he struggled to read something. Yesterday, he and I went for a 3 mile run. During this run, we met a blind gentlemen who was taking a morning walk. After we said "Good Morning" to him, his response was "Good Morning! It's nice to see you today"! Wowwwwww!!! Talk about perspective! My husband remembered that moment when he was struggling this morning. He felt that it was God speaking to him that things could be worse! This was his God moment that he shared with me!

I was then speaking with my best friend whose father is slowly dying. This friend is caring for her father and experiencing some wonderful moments with him right now. However, there is one subject that she needed to talk to him about and get affirmation and closure on. She has been hesitant to bring it up because it felt negative. Last night, they were sitting around talking about everything. He brought up a subject that opened the door for her to be able to state these feelings that she was having. They were able to talk about it in a gentle, kind, and loving way. He was so wonderful to affirm her and she now has closure on this matter. It was almost like God spoke to her father and said "She needs this conversation". That was her God moment that she shared with me!

Again, I feel so blessed to have these people in my life...to remind me to look for and experience God's love. There are times that we don't hear His voice...but His actions speak deeply to our hearts.

Thankful Thursday

"Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever." 1Chronicles 16:34

Today, I am thankful for:
*Good friends that love me enough to be completely themselves and completely honest with me. I am so thankful for the gentleness of words that are so hard to say.
*A praying husband~ He prays for and with my children and I every morning. Although he is not perfect, he is perfect for me!
*A broken life~ Through life's hurts, trials, and tribulations, God has taught me such wonderful lessons. I love when He humbles me so that I can hear His word.
I am thankful for His mercy and grace that I did not earn and do not deserve.
*My dogs~ TRULY unconditional love, kindness, and gratitude
*My daughters~ Whether they know it or not, they teach me so much about myself everyday and make me want to be such a better version of me for them!
*A rainy day
*Fuzzy socks and pajama pants
*French press coffee (Thanks for teaching me the importance of this, Rachel and Tracey)
*Quietness....

What are you thankful for on this rainy Thursday?

My perfect life

My life is perfect! My kids are always perfectly dressed, love to eat green vegetables, and are never disrespectful. I have a "good hair day" everyday. My husband is also perfect and always thinks of my needs first. My house is so clean that you could eat off the floors!

Now, if you believe this, please quit reading now because I am about to burst your bubble.

My kids are not perfect (although I think that they are darn near it)! In order for them to eat green vegetables, I have to disguise them. My husband is definitely not perfect...but he's perfect for me (most days)! We have had our share of ups and downs. At one point, we were separated, and I didn't think that we would be together today. Thankful and blessed that God intervened and saved us from ourselves. You are more that welcome to eat off my floors, but you are probably going get dog hair in your mouth. Now, my hair...well, let's just not get started on that one!!!

No one's life is perfect. Although someone's life looks perfect on the outside, you never know what that person deals with on the inside. God only gives us what we can handle. Each person has their own cross to bear...one that another may not be able to handle.

It's very easy to judge others, whether good or bad, instead of taking the time to truly get to know someone. That person that you think is fat...or ugly...or lazy...or..."perfect" could really need a friend or a kind word. We often think that judging only goes one way...judging the negative in others. But...I have seen people judging when good things happen to someone. I think, in this day and time, that we need to build each other up, celebrate our successes, and encourage one another. After all, we are all imperfect people!

Why I Run...

I often get asked "Why do you run?". Good question...without one easy answer. So...I have decided to give 10 good reasons why I run...

#10- Because there ARE people chasing me...they are called the COMPETITION!

#9- Because I am (almost) 42 and I can!

#8- Because there are so many cute running outfits to buy!!!

#7- Because it doesn't matter whether I come in first, last, or in the middle...I HAVE CROSSED THE FINISH LINE!!!

#6- Because running makes me push myself farther than I thought that I could go!

#5- Because it gives me a reason to travel with my friends!

#4- Because it makes me a nicer person!

#3- Because I want to teach, by example, these 2 sweet girls that GIRLS CAN DO ANYTHING THEY WANT TO DO!

#2- Because I want to be around to celebrate many more wedding anniversaries with this guy!

#1- Because my Father has blessed me with the ability to run...I want to make Him proud!

Forward or backwards...which do you want?

I was talking to a friend today and she made a statement that I have been considering all day long.

It was: "Nothing ever stays where it is because you have to either move forward or backwards".

As much as I know this to be true, it kinda makes me sad. Oftentimes when we go through a particularly rough time in our life, we come to a comfortable, peaceful place. When this happens, I want to stay here...FOREVER! I want to bask in the serenity of this place. For once, I want to live in the moment!

However, I know that it won't last forever. I know that God will give me another challenge to suffer through and grow. I know that I will be in a "desert season" again. God doesn't want us to get stagnant in our journey. He wants us to grow.

I also know that if I choose not to move forward and grow, then I am really moving backwards. Who wants to go backwards? Back to learn tough lessons AGAIN, back to open old wounds AGAIN, back to yesterday...

Not me! I also realize that if I move backwards, and everyone around me is moving forward, then I am going to get left behind. I DEFINITELY don't want that!

So, I will enjoy this moment...this time of peace and serenity...because I know that change is a coming!!!

Through your eyes...

Well, I am finally trying to find my way back to the blog world. This "writer's block" shut me down. I would think about blogging but just couldn't follow through. So, here I am...hoping that I can do it again.

As I was looking over my 2010 Wishes, I realized that there were so many things that have changed in my life the past year. The fact that I FINALLY kicked the smoking habit is my most proud moment of the year!!! It hasn't been easy but I am amazed at how much my life has changed by making that ONE change! In my next post, I want to go over my wishes- which ones that I accomplished and which ones that I didn't. I also have a HUGE plan for 2011 that I want to share. In this post, there is something else that is heavy on my heart.

Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine. She was saying how she wasn't where she thought that she would be at this point in her life. She recently went through a divorce, is now a single mom, works part-time and is going to college to finish up her degree. She has many friends that are married and/or already in their careers. She made a statement about how she feels that I have it all together. She thinks that my house is so organized, that I have a successful business, a husband that loves me, good children, etc., etc. Wow!!! Is that how my life looks from the outside???

If so, then I want to be the person that she sees through her eyes!!!

Side note: I want to say that I am so proud of my sweet friend. She is not taking the easy way out! Her life is tough right now but she is not giving up! She is doing what she needs to do to make a better life for her boys and herself. She is sitting back and allowing God to make the changes in her that HE wants. All of this to say...I am so proud of her and cannot believe the changes that I can SEE every single day! Her transformation is amazing...but she is already a beautiful butterfly!

The point that I am wanting to make with all of this is the grass always seems greener! The truth of the matter is that we don't know what REALLY is going on INSIDE that person's life. Most of us present a pretty package to the outside world. Society teaches us to keep our "garbage" to ourselves because no one wants to see/hear it. For the most part, I agree. I mean, you don't want to walk around all gloom and doom or complaining about every part of your life that needs to be fixed. There is a fine line between being REAL and being socially acceptable.

I typically choose friend that allow me to be REAL. Between my husband, my kids, and my business, I don't have a lot of expendable time. With that time, I want to spend it with those who are willing to be REAL, not just present the "pretty package" to me. My FRIENDS know me...the REAL me...warts and all!!! What makes that even more special is that they still love me!

So, no...I don't have it all together! There are so many areas of my life that need to be decluttered and organized. (Please don't look in my closets or drawers if you come to visit!) Often times, I am a mental mess! I have a million and one thoughts going through my head at any given time...and many of these thoughts contradict one another. I don't think that anyone has it ALL together. I do think that some people have their life figured out more than others. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. These last two years have been the toughest of my adult life. However, I am so thankful for the trials and tribulations that I have gone through. God has really broken me down...and continues to do so daily. I can feel him molding me and building me back up to be the person that HE wants me to be.

Hopefully, some day I can be the person that you see through your eyes, my sweet friend! Some day...

These are a few of my favorite things

My husband and I are doing a bike race on Saturday. Tonight we went for about a 10 mile ride for training. At one point we were flying down a hill at about 25 miles an hour. It was such a rush...and so scary too! If you have ever seen a racing bike, the tires are so very skinny. One mistake and I would have been a goner! Luckily, I wasn't thinking about that. I was completely and totally enjoying the moment! It took me back to childhood when we would ride our bikes EVERYWHERE. We would go flying down a hill with our hands in the air just enjoying the wind blowing in our hair. I think this is one of my favorite things. When we got to the bottom of the hill, there was a gentleman mowing his grass. The smell of fresh cut grass is another one of my favorite things. I felt about 12 years old tonight...with no worries and no responsibility! *Sigh*

So...it got me thinking about more of my favorite things. Here's what I have come up with:
*The sounds of children's laughter
*The crisp air of fall
*Laying in the bed with one of my daughter having "pillow talk"
*That feeling when you first realize that you love someone
*A bubble bath, a glass of wine, a good book, and no interruptions
*When my husband rubs my feet
*My favorite time of day is right when I get home from work. My husband is cooking dinner (He cooks because he is VERY good at it and I am VERY bad at it. Don't judge!)and the kiddos are talking about their day.
*The feeling of pride and accomplishment when you cross the finish line
*The sound of waves crashing
*The smell of my husband when he has just had a shower
*Snuggling up on a snowy day with my family, a fire, a good movies, and good snacks

I am sure that I could go on and on and on. I leave it there for now. I would love to hear what some of yours are. Please leave a comment below to tell me some of your favorite things.

Sometimes family is what you make it

This weekend, I visited an old friend of which I lost contact for about 6 years. We had a wonderful time and only stopped talking long enough to catch our breath. It's amazing how I had not seen her for so long and we just pick right back up from where we left off. Neither one of us had any hard feelings or awkwardness for the lack of communication for so many years. We talked about EVERYTHING...and I mean EVERYTHING! I didn't feel as if I was being judged or misunderstood or like I was offending her. It was comfortable and relaxing. In short, I felt like love.

When my plane landed back at home, my husband and daughters were so happy to see me. They had truly missed me! What I realized is that they need me...not for what I do for them...but because they need my love. I would like to think, that when one of our family members is away, it feels like a missing piece to our puzzle. They love me because I am part of our family. We are a unit. I am part of them! That feels good.

Sometimes we don't grow up with the family that we dream of having. Sometimes our family loves us the best way that they can, but it still hurts. Our family may not "look" like what we thought it would be. It may be the family that you have created through marriage, children, or friendship.

Love shouldn't hurt. Love should be comfortable, relaxing, considerate, accepting, and free of judgement. In short, it should feel like love. And sometimes...family and love are exactly what you make them!

A few random thoughts...

First, I have really good news! I got on the scale today and it said...*insert drum roll*...165!!! Woohoo! Now, if you go by the 171 that I weighed when we got back from CA (for once the bigger number works for me!), then that means that I have lost 6 lbs. I am not noticing a big change in the way I look, and that's OK. I am so excited to see the number on the scale go down.

Next, my oldest daughter got her very first sports bra today. Oh my! She can't be that old yet. She was grinning from ear-to-ear. I, on the other hand, was not. How can my baby need any type of bra?

Finally, I am going out of town tomorrow to visit a dear friend that I haven't seen in YEARS!!! It was so cute tonight because my husband was a little sad to see me go. It's nice to know that he is going to miss me...maybe even be a little "lost" without me. That's nice. Just knowing that someone will miss you and likes having you around. As I get older, the little things are much more important and appreciated. Things like:
*Lying on one of my kids beds and just chatting
*REALLY true friends that love you no matter how much you weigh, how much money you make, whether you have a bad haircut, or you clothes don't match. True friends will still be seen in public with you! LOL
*Good communication with your spouse
*Being greeted at the door with sloppy kisses from your dog (or dogs in my case)

I guess just basically being loved. It makes me want to be a better person that is deserving of these things. It makes me want to be a better wife, mother, and friend. I know that the wonderful people in my life will love me no matter what but I still want to feel worthy of all of their love...and I'm pretty sure that I am! :0)