Be still

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God"~~Psalms 46:10

A little over a year ago, I felt God speaking to me...asking me to be still! I felt that He had a specific plan for how this was to look. It didn't "sound" right to me. It didn't fit into "my plan".

However, here I am...at the place that He wanted me to be...with His plan complete. I am in awe of His power, His glory, His grace, and His mercy because I didn't make this easy. I was disobedient...argumentative...bargaining...and at times, down right bratty! I am exactly where he wants me!

What is different now than before is that I am not hearing what His plan is from here. I just keep hearing "Be Still". For a "Human Do-er" like me, it's hard just to be a "Human Be-ing". I don't listen well...I find something else to do...I run! So now I am nursing a foot injury...I have no choice...

...I don't do well sitting in quietness...in stillness!

I guess His plan is BE STILL...know that I am God...

...I am still curious to see how this plays out!!!

Thankful Thursday

Often I think about how much I have to be thankful for...it's hard to narrow it down to only a short list. Here are a few that are closest to my heart and mind today:
1) Cooler weather and sunshine!

2) A husband and friends that make me laugh and "get" me and my crazy sense of humor...in short, I am thankful for laughter!

3) Conviction...I love how God's gentle reminders help to keep me in line...and out of trouble!

4) Flowers...I am definitely not gardener but I planted these flowers last summer. I had no idea that they would come back up this spring...and then again at the end of summer! They're like the flowers that just keep on giving!!!

5) I just finished my last Half Marathon of the year! I love to run but I'm tired after 6 Half Marathons this year...

...even though I am already trying to figure out when and where the next one will be...I have my eye on a very special medal!

What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday

"Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever." 1Chronicles 16:34

Today, I am thankful for:
*Good friends that love me enough to be completely themselves and completely honest with me. I am so thankful for the gentleness of words that are so hard to say.
*A praying husband~ He prays for and with my children and I every morning. Although he is not perfect, he is perfect for me!
*A broken life~ Through life's hurts, trials, and tribulations, God has taught me such wonderful lessons. I love when He humbles me so that I can hear His word.
I am thankful for His mercy and grace that I did not earn and do not deserve.
*My dogs~ TRULY unconditional love, kindness, and gratitude
*My daughters~ Whether they know it or not, they teach me so much about myself everyday and make me want to be such a better version of me for them!
*A rainy day
*Fuzzy socks and pajama pants
*French press coffee (Thanks for teaching me the importance of this, Rachel and Tracey)
*Quietness....

What are you thankful for on this rainy Thursday?

Mindshift

My 2011 race schedule is coming to an end. I have enjoyed spending this year training and racing. All the hard work and excitement has been building up for THE race...the one race that I want that PR! The Middle Half!!! My goal (and hope) is to finish under 2:00...I don't care if it's 1:59:59!

HOWEVER...

I met with my coach today...

The conversation went something like this:
Him: How do you feel your running is coming along?
Me: Good
Him: How's your foot?
Me: It hurts...and now I am getting this little knee thing
Him: Hmmmm
Me: What are we going to do to get me ready for the Middle 1/2 with these things? I REALLY want that PR.
Him: Well, I want to encourage you to shift your mindset.
Me: Huh?
Him: When we run, we need to glorify Him! He is the reason that we are able to run. I want you to consider that this is not the race for that PR. I want you to consider that God has other plans for you with this particular race. When you run this race, I want you to listen to your body but also pray for his guidance. He may have something that He needs from you to glorify Him. It may be the PR that you want, or it may be something totally different. (Oh, and he said that he doesn't want me to run with anyone or with any music)
Me: Hmmmm

So, this has been on my mind and in my heart since this conversation. At first, I wanted to cry. My heart and mind were focused intently on THIS race and THAT PR. At first, I felt like I was giving up.

After spending some time thinking, replaying his words, and praying, I feel differently. I don't know what all of this means. I don't know what this looks like. What I do know is that I agree with my coach. If it were not for Him, I would have never had the ability to stop smoking. If it were not for Him, I would not have laced up my running shoes for that very first run. If it were not for Him, I would not be able to run...at all! If it were not for Him, I would not have this life that blesses me. If it were not for Him, I would not have these AMAZING people in my life to speak these tough truths to me.

If his plan is the PR, that would be gr-8! If not, then He has something better in mind. It may be something so subtle that I would have missed it if...

Not for this mindshift...

And THAT would be the true tragedy in this...

...To miss seeing HIM in action!!!

Hmmmm....

....to be continued!!!

My perfect life

My life is perfect! My kids are always perfectly dressed, love to eat green vegetables, and are never disrespectful. I have a "good hair day" everyday. My husband is also perfect and always thinks of my needs first. My house is so clean that you could eat off the floors!

Now, if you believe this, please quit reading now because I am about to burst your bubble.

My kids are not perfect (although I think that they are darn near it)! In order for them to eat green vegetables, I have to disguise them. My husband is definitely not perfect...but he's perfect for me (most days)! We have had our share of ups and downs. At one point, we were separated, and I didn't think that we would be together today. Thankful and blessed that God intervened and saved us from ourselves. You are more that welcome to eat off my floors, but you are probably going get dog hair in your mouth. Now, my hair...well, let's just not get started on that one!!!

No one's life is perfect. Although someone's life looks perfect on the outside, you never know what that person deals with on the inside. God only gives us what we can handle. Each person has their own cross to bear...one that another may not be able to handle.

It's very easy to judge others, whether good or bad, instead of taking the time to truly get to know someone. That person that you think is fat...or ugly...or lazy...or..."perfect" could really need a friend or a kind word. We often think that judging only goes one way...judging the negative in others. But...I have seen people judging when good things happen to someone. I think, in this day and time, that we need to build each other up, celebrate our successes, and encourage one another. After all, we are all imperfect people!

Sometimes I forget...

I am a busy person...I can be a perfectionist...I can be an overachiever...I am a type A personality...

It is easy for me to forget to stop and smell these:

After almost a year of praying about it, we have decided that I will take a semi-sabbatical! My mind needs a break. My kids need me to be present! My priorities have shifted...THEY have become #1! Somewhere along the way, I forgot!

And...I have LOVING every minute of it!!!

The other morning I went for an early morning run. I laced up my shoes, plugged in my earbuds, and off I went. But something happened...

I noticed this...

And this...

And this!!!

About midway through my 4 mile run, I unplugged the iPod and listened...to the town wake up!!! I heard the birds chirping...watched the drivers on their way to work having that first cup of coffee...the college kids dragging themselves to an early morning summer class...the campus workers starting their day...but most importantly...I noticed! Sometimes I forget to notice life around me.

I thought that I was doing this because my family needed me...now I realize...I needed them...to help me to remember!

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Why I Run...

I often get asked "Why do you run?". Good question...without one easy answer. So...I have decided to give 10 good reasons why I run...

#10- Because there ARE people chasing me...they are called the COMPETITION!

#9- Because I am (almost) 42 and I can!

#8- Because there are so many cute running outfits to buy!!!

#7- Because it doesn't matter whether I come in first, last, or in the middle...I HAVE CROSSED THE FINISH LINE!!!

#6- Because running makes me push myself farther than I thought that I could go!

#5- Because it gives me a reason to travel with my friends!

#4- Because it makes me a nicer person!

#3- Because I want to teach, by example, these 2 sweet girls that GIRLS CAN DO ANYTHING THEY WANT TO DO!

#2- Because I want to be around to celebrate many more wedding anniversaries with this guy!

#1- Because my Father has blessed me with the ability to run...I want to make Him proud!

Well...that's new!

Today there was a triathlon at the university in my town. It consisted of a 400 yd. swim, 10 mile bike ride, and a 5K run. I participated in this same race last year. So, basically, been there, done that, no problem, right?

Here's where the weirdness starts: Weirdness #1...I woke up this morning and did not want to do this race AT ALL! I have never not wanted to participate in a race. So, all morning, I was trying to psyche myself up to do this thing. Weirdness #2...Normally, I have so much adrenaline right before a race, that "nervous energy" that gets me started. This morning-NOTHING, NADA, ZIPPO...total flatline! Weirdness #3...THIS IS THE BIG ONE! I started the swim, and QUIT after 2 laps. Yup, you are reading this right...I QUIT!!! I simply could NOT continue! I climbed out of the water and did the "walk of shame" to my husband and my daughters!!!

Here's the good part: I told my hubby what happened (which was basically, that I had freaked out in the water and couldn't breathe). He said "Well, what do you want to do?" I had a choice to make. I could just hang out and root my sweet friend Mary on...or I could get back in there!

I decided to get back in there! Luckily, the race company started my time all over, and I completed the race! I have to give the credit to my wonderful God who gently said "I will be with you" and "I will not leave you".

So, I could give you my multitude of excuses...

...the truth of the matter is that I just had an "off" race day! As a "recovery perfectionist/overachiever", that is REALLY hard to accept. I have extremely high expectations of myself. I felt like I had let myself down...that I didn't do my best. I had a HUGE helping of humble pie today...and it didn't taste too good! However, now I realize, I DID do my best...I did my best for TODAY'S race. Hopefully, the next race will be different!

*Added plus- my daughters were able to see their mom struggling through a tough decision. Without using my words, just my actions, I hope that I taught them a very valuable lesson today!

In case you were wondering, my original goal was 1:15. Last year's time was 1:21. I finished this year in 1:19...2 minutes less that last year! I'll take it!

Stupid dreadmill!!!

We had 4 miles on the training schedule today...and it snowed! So, I had a choice to make: skip today's training or take on my nemesis...the dreadmill!!!

All day long I had been dreading it, anticipating it, and avoiding it! My attitude was horrible ALL DAY LONG! I was grouchy and hateful...all because of a dreadmill! Then I remembered reading something about changing your mindset about things that you dislike, and you might just end up liking that thing.

So...I decided to try it. Each time that my mind started thinking about how much I hated being inside "running in place", I would change my thoughts. I would concentrate on my pace, think about my breathing, etc. I would also increase the speed and challenge myself to go longer at that pace than I thought that I could.

Truth is...the verdict is still out! I did it...I ran the 4 miles! That is much longer than I have been able to do before...so changing my mindset did help. I am not in love but I did like the feeling of accomplishment.

Now, if I can just change my mindset on vegetables...

Forward or backwards...which do you want?

I was talking to a friend today and she made a statement that I have been considering all day long.

It was: "Nothing ever stays where it is because you have to either move forward or backwards".

As much as I know this to be true, it kinda makes me sad. Oftentimes when we go through a particularly rough time in our life, we come to a comfortable, peaceful place. When this happens, I want to stay here...FOREVER! I want to bask in the serenity of this place. For once, I want to live in the moment!

However, I know that it won't last forever. I know that God will give me another challenge to suffer through and grow. I know that I will be in a "desert season" again. God doesn't want us to get stagnant in our journey. He wants us to grow.

I also know that if I choose not to move forward and grow, then I am really moving backwards. Who wants to go backwards? Back to learn tough lessons AGAIN, back to open old wounds AGAIN, back to yesterday...

Not me! I also realize that if I move backwards, and everyone around me is moving forward, then I am going to get left behind. I DEFINITELY don't want that!

So, I will enjoy this moment...this time of peace and serenity...because I know that change is a coming!!!